I’ve put off childish things

I found a part-time job. I’m working for a television production company, digitising tapes. I start at 6.30pm and finish at 2am. It is a very interesting job. I get to see the entirety of tapes, not just the brief clips that make it onto the television. Last night I saw a ship engine the size of a semi-detached house being lifted into a ship. I’ve never seen an engine with stairs on it before. I don’t tend to watch television, I don’t like it much, but the raw stuff is fantastic. I like mine pure. The job gives me a lot of time in the day. I’m actually finding it quite hard to organise myself, especially social stuff. I’ve also entered an altered mental state. I’ve been in school for many years, in constant change; I’ll be doing what I’m doing now for the next ten years, probably. I’ve entered a kind of calmness.

I am also very pleased with myself, yesterday I threw away a sculpture I hadn’t quite finished yet, but I’d already spent a lot of time and money on it. I decided it was off the mark, a waste of time. Those critical faculties are strong. I feel happy.